Imperialist Food: Taco Bell

With much fanfare, they just opened a Taco Bell in my neighborhood. It’s kitty corner to the Sony World store after which the intersection is named, but I predict that within a couple of years, they’ll start calling the intersection "Taco Bell." It’s that gaudy.

This place opened at some point when I was in Dharamsala, and it’s been packed ever since. Based on my limited contacts here, Indians really seem to dig Taco Bell. I keep telling them how odd this is, given that Taco Bell is the single lowest grade food among major American fast foot chains, but I think part of the appeal is just the Mexican food aspect. There’s no Mexican food here, so Taco Bell is as close as they get. Plus they have the free fire sauce packets, and we all know how much Indians love free fire sauce.

In a way, I knew what I wanted when I walked in: as much variety as possible. So I didn’t really care what I was eating as long as each item was different. But for an Indian with NO idea what any of this food is, it’s a daunting process. Somewhat like the "Fahita" stand at the Iroquois County Fair, both sides of the cash register were pronouncing the J in Fajita. They do have a large poster explaining exactly what’s in each menu item, which I sorta wish they had in the States, too, just so you can tell if they’ve exhausted all permutations of the same 7 ingredients.

Anyway, about the food. Unlike the Dominos, this stuff was all pretty similar to what you get in the States. By which I mean: generally nasty, but with just enough good options to make it good comfort food. I hate a potato taco, which was basically tater tots, sauce, and toppings. It failed because the cold ingredients (everything but the tots) won out, and despite being eaten first, it was cold.



I also partook of the nachos, which were flavored in themselves, in addition to the toppings. So rather than just nachos, it was basically topped Doritos. While a pleasant surprise, I don’t think I’d go for the nachos again, for reasons that should be clear when you look an inch below this sentence.



The side item with my potato taco meal was a "snackito," which is basically the world’s most tightly wrapped tortilla. It enclosed a very small amount of, basically, salsa and cheese. Forgettable.



The burrito, however, worked great. Nice and soft, with all of the right stuff inside of it and none of the garbage. The chicken was at least acceptable, and everything else worked. It probably worked, for me, because it was exactly what I’d get in the US. It was not Indianized. When I go back, I’ll probably just get a couple of burritos. And a refillable diet pepsi. I’ve mentioned the dearth of diet pop in this country, but Taco Bell represented. When my brother was in Germany, he described the lack of Mountain Dew, and the eventual craving for this. When he finally found it at a Taco Bell next to a military base in Stuttgart, he parked himself there and downed it all afternoon. His heart’s still beating, and I can only hope the same is true for me when I get done with this place.

One note about the refillable pop, though. In the States, this phenomenon emerged because it’s cheaper to waste pop than to hire someone to pour it. The margins on pop are through the roof, so give out however much it takes to get people to pull the trigger on it, right? Here, you get the "best" of both worlds. A refillable pop from a fountain in the dining area, but poured by an employee standing next to it. They seriously have people standing next to each of the two fountains who take your cup and pour in your drink of choice. Ridiculously cheap labor strikes again.

Imperialist Food: Dominos

There’re quite a few American fast food chains in Bangalore. I’ve seen a KFC, a McDonald’s, a Domino’s, a Pizza Hut, a Taco Bell, a Baskin Robbin’s, and even a Papa John’s. Today at a food court in an IT park in rural Bangalore, I saw a “Jambo Juice.” Sanju thought it was just a rip-off of Jamba Juice, but given that most of these chains are actually officially licensed here, I figure that whatever focus group decided that “Jamba Juice” was a great name also decided that “Jambo Juice” would play better in the subcontinent. I’m sure there are many more options than these, too, so I’ve got options for seeing how Indians bastardize American bastardizations of European food.

Last week, Sanju was out and her roommate showed up late and hungry and decided to order out. We decided I’d give Domino’s my first try at American fast food. So here’s my review:

We ordered a “cheese burst” pizza, which has a layer of liquid cheese in the crust. The pizza itself was “spicy chicken,” which I gravitated to because of the two chilis next to it, indicating very spicy. Sanju’s roommate didn’t want to do one of the bizarre fusion pizzas, but I figure that’s for the best for now anyway.



It was better than American Domino’s, certainly. There was actually sauce on the pizza, albeit not exactly tomato sauce. It had the color and texture of barbecue sauce, and tasted like, well, Indian food. Sorry my pallette isn’t more sophisticated than that. The cheese burst was fine, even if you could tell it was fatty. The chicken, crust, and cheese topping were acceptable, too. Nothing fancy, but unlike American Dominos, this didn’t make me want to wretch, so that’s a plus.



Pizza Hut and Papa John’s are more expensive, but I’ll give them a shot at some point. I’ve also heard good things about the veg burger at KFC (I know, right?) and some of the stuff at McDonald’s. We’ll see if Taco Bell substitutes something edible instead of the surplus circus meat it uses in the States.